Chasing Happy Read online

  So why did she take the step back? Why didn’t she step up and be the friend he’d needed?

  It was easy to tell herself she hadn’t needed to because Dallas was there but that was a cop out. She’d done it because she was a coward that was too afraid of opening herself up and getting to know people. In her life, when that happened, they all left her. She was terrified she’d open herself to someone and they’d leave her too.

  Max told her he’d believe her. When they’d been in the barn with the lamb he all but told her he knew she could see something. It was easy to pretend his smiles didn’t affect her at all or that his kindness wasn’t melting her carefully constructed defenses. Pretending and acting were what her whole life was built on. Those came much easier than being herself.

  Rosie waited out the rest of the morning hours wide awake on her fake patio, running through the night’s events before heading to town. She chained her bike to a bench and hopped a bus to town. She was tempted to call Wendy to ask how Max was but she didn’t want to intrude and she was afraid Wendy would make a big deal out of her asking.

  She showed up at The Third Eye as Jay came out of the alley to the storefront.

  “Hey,” he smiled in greeting. “You’re here early.”

  She nodded, exhausted and distracted by constant thoughts of Max.

  “You’re like, vibrating.” He unlocked the door and let her in but kept the store sign on closed and locked the door behind her.

  She looked at the lock and then back to him.

  “I thought you’d want privacy but I can unlock it and open the store.”

  “No, that’s okay. I’m sorry.”

  “No,” he argued. “I don’t want you to worry at all. I’ll unlock it and we’ll just have coffee like yesterday.”

  After opening the door, he started the coffee, then went to the glass case where the cash register was and rooted around. She went through the aisle of books and sat at the little round table they’d sat at the day before. She angled her chair so she could see out the front window and watched traffic pass by until Jay came in, juggling coffee and a tray.

  “Shit. I’m sorry,” she apologized and helped him set the things on the table. “I should have asked if you needed help.”

  He laughed. “Happy, you’re so distracted I don’t think you would have heard me if I did ask.”

  A lump formed in her throat as she grabbed the table with one hand to steady herself. “Please don’t call me that.”

  He sat down as though nothing had happened. “Well, if you want your energies cleansed that’s something you’re going to have to deal with. You’re root chakra is in need of some serious overhaul.”

  “I don’t know what that means,” she told him. “I’ve never seen a chakra.”

  He spent a little time explaining the seven charkas and how he saw them, like her with auras.

  “Yesterday, when I told you that you blasted me with energy? It all came from here.” He held his throat. “Bright blue. Super happy. Relief.”

  “Okay,” she said slowly.

  “That’s the fifth charka, the throat. Symbolizes communication. Do you remember what happened yesterday?”

  She tried to think back to the exact point in their conversation but her mind was swirling with too many emotions to concentrate.

  “You told me you’d never talked to anyone about the spirits before. It blew your throat charka wide open. Huge deal, by the way.” He leaned forward. “Now, we have to work on the rest.”

  “I don’t know how to do that.”

  “We don’t.” When she opened her mouth he interrupted. “Not today, at least. You’re too distracted. Whatever’s going on has you too worked up to be productive.”

  She took a deep breath. “It’s been a long day.”

  “It’s only ten,” he laughed.

  “Don’t tell me that,” she sighed.

  “I was thinking we could get some crystals picked out for you. Cleanse them, dedicate them, that kind of stuff.” When she looked lost he rolled his eyes. “They correlate to your charkas and will help keep you grounded. I can teach you some meditation techniques too. I think will do you some good.”

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  He waved her off. “Are you kidding? This is why I opened the shop. If you’re the only real psychic I ever help, then I’m happy with that.”

  She was about to argue with him about not being psychic when she saw Dallas’ big blue truck screech up to the curb. Quickly jumping out of her chair, bag in hand she hid behind a huge column of bookcases.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  She pressed a finger to her lips and begged him with her eyes to not give her up.

  The cheery bell over the door sounded. “Rosie!” Dallas voice boomed through the store. He sounded mad.

  “Can I help you?” Jay made himself sound very proper and put out by Dallas’ intrusion. She had to give him credit for turning on a dime just to protect her.

  “No.” She heard loud footsteps coming closer. “Rosie!”

  “She’s not here.” Jay sounded exasperated, his voice getting closer as well.

  “Yeah right. You always drink two cups of coffee by yourself?”

  He was so observant.

  “My boyfriend was just here,” Jay said with all the flair of a scandalized Scarlett O’Hara.

  “No, he wasn’t,” Dallas argued. “Where the hell is she?”

  His footsteps halted a few feet away her.

  “Don’t you think if she wanted to be found, she would be. Give her some space.”

  “Yeah, well, when she calls you in the middle of night crying for help and then disappears, let me know how much space you’d be giving her.”

  His angry footsteps started again but this time heading away from her. The bells jingled again but the door didn’t close.

  “Just tell me she’s alright,” Dallas’s voice was soft. “If you won’t tell me where the hell she is, at least give me that much.”

  Jay heaved a sigh. “She’s alright.”

  The door closed with a near silent click.

  “What the hell was that?” Jay’s annoyed voice came from across the room.

  She leaned her head against the bookcase behind her and berated herself for being such an idiot.

  “I don’t know,” she said quietly.

  “Yes, you do. Now get out here and explain.”

  She came out from her hiding spot but didn’t get any closer.

  “I get a good vibe from him,” Jay told her when she just stood there looking ashamed. “He’s a doer, that one. Take charge. In control.”

  “Smart,” she agreed. “Observant.”

  “Can you read him?” He asked.

  She shrugged. “It’s more of an echo now than a true read.”

  “Unlike you, his root chakra is very clean. Totally in sync.”

  “I don’t know what that means,” she told him again, rubbing her eyes with her fingers.

  “Let’s get you set up with some rocks of your own.” He held out a hand to her. “Meditate a little. Then you can spill your pretty little guts to me about calling that handsome man in the middle of night.”

  13

  She spent nearly three hours in the Reiki room of The Third Eye with Jay. He placed rocks around her and had her close her eyes while they meditated for long minutes, concentrating their energies on healing her spirit and helping her move forward with her life. Jay was good at what he did and she left feeling lighter, like she’d gained some insight lying on that bed. They discussed her meditation and where she would place her crystals at home. He made sure she knew she was welcome to come back anytime but they made an appointment for a few days down the road.

  It was strange that she felt so comfortable with him. She hadn’t told him anything about her past but talking about what she could see made her feel free. He was right when he reminded her she’d felt relief and when he asked, she hadn’t hesitated to tell him why D
allas was seeking her out. She even told him about the dream she had with the woman and the explosion.

  She called the hospital. Max had been released, so she knew Dallas wasn’t delivering bad news, but hiding and avoiding him just made him more suspicious. That’s why he was trying to find her.

  She walked toward the pier and away from her usual bus stop. The beach was a part of town she avoided as it was usually crowded. With Thanksgiving quickly approaching and the cool weather, it was nearly deserted. She found a bench at the end of the pier and sat, letting the cool ocean breeze wash over her.

  It was a beautiful place. Picturing what she remembered of where she grew up it was no wonder she ended up somewhere like this. There were no burned out, hulking shells of buildings. No whores on street corners or gunfire at night. Just blue ocean waves as far as her eyes could see. Seagulls floated above the water, dancing through the clouds above.

  She couldn’t stay on the pier forever. Eventually, she’d have to go back to the camper and then to work. Someone would ask questions she didn’t have answers for. She sighed, desperately wanting to take Jay’s unsolicited advice and just tell them the truth.

  Her heart wanted that. She wanted someone to know who she was and accept her.

  But her head remembered too much and every time the urge struck, it reminded her why she couldn’t.

  “Butch, she has to go! I can’t have her here when this baby’s born telling him about the dead people she sees!”

  “She can’t help it.”

  “Neither can we! We’ve tried everything to fix her and we can’t. It’s time to let her go.”

  “I know.”

  She pushed the memory from her mind. She hadn’t realized at the time, most of the adults who visited were shrinks Butch and Erin hired. She didn’t know they were trying to fix her.

  She didn’t know she was broken.

  Rosie sat on the pier, huddled in her sweater until the sun went down and it got too cold, even for a northerner, to sit there. She trudged to the bus stop and waited for her bus. The ride was uneventful, certainly a nice benefit of her ability being on the fritz. There were times when sitting with bus load of strangers and the spirits that surrounded them was overwhelming, like the time she’d gone to the bar to meet Wendy.

  She unlocked her bike from the bench when she got to her stop and rode home. The woman in the woods was quiet. She turned down her driveway but slowed as she reached her camper.

  Max was sitting in one of the chairs outside, her string lights lit up cheerfully, the dog lazing at his feet.

  Rosie slid off the seat and walked closer. Hearing her approach, Max turned, his expression unreadable as he stood. He looked good and was dressed in his usual jeans and long sleeve shirt. His hair was finger combed and there was a short stubble growth on his chin.

  She tentatively leaned her bike in its spot against the tree and stood in front of him.

  “Are you okay?” It was all she cared about. She’d told herself all day long that she knew he was fine, but telling herself and hearing him say it were two different things.

  He nodded. “I’m alive. Thanks to you.”

  She shook her head and looked away.

  “Where’ve you been all day? I’ve been looking for you.”

  She turned to look back at him. “Why?”

  He let out a laugh. “Are you kidding? Christ, Rosie, you showed up at my house in middle of the night, saved my life, and disappeared. Did you really think I wasn’t going to come looking?”

  She lifted her hands and then dropped them. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you should have.”

  He reached out one of his big, work-roughened hands and held it out to her. She looked from his face and then back to his hand, hesitating before extending her hand to his. He quickly wrapped his fingers around hers and pulled her to him, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and holding her close. At first, she wasn’t sure how to react, her free hand bent against his chest, not sure if she should push him away. Max pulled her hand around his body, wordlessly instructing her to wrap her arms around him. Cautiously, she did and felt the firm press of his chest against her face as he held her close.

  She felt him rest his cheek against her hair.

  “Thank you, Rosie.” There was no mistaking his lips against the top of her head. “Thank you.”

  He held her close, not squeezing her too tightly, but not giving her any room to move either.

  It had been a long time since she’d been held by anyone and just about never since she’d been held by a man. Though it was a just a thank you hug she felt something stir beneath her skin. Her heart sped up to match the rhythm she felt beating beneath her cheek. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, breathing in his fresh smell, soap and fresh air and Max all rolled into one.

  “How did you know?” He asked, his cheek still resting on top of her head.

  She shook her head, not wanting to think about it. All she wanted to do was catalog the moment so she could remember it forever.

  He leaned back and pressed his palms to her cheeks, holding her face in his hands. His thumbs brushed gently back and forth.

  It was by far, the most intimate moment of her entire life.

  “How did you know, Rosie?”

  She was caught in his golden gaze, her eyes unable to look away from his.

  “I don’t know,” she shook her head, mumbling an excuse by rote.

  “I’ll believe you,” he insisted.

  She reached her hands to cover his, intending to pull them away. “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll believe you,” he said again.

  “I was just stopping by.”

  He never looked away from her, his eyes pinning her in place and demanding the truth.

  She felt something inside crack at his insistence.

  “I’ll believe you, Rosie. I swear I will.”

  Her hands were still on top of his as he held her face. With every word, he got closer until their noses were nearly touching, his breath on her lips when he spoke.

  “I can’t,” she whispered, her eyes begging him to understand.

  “You can,” he argued, the tip of his nose gently brushing the side of hers. “I’m going to believe you, Rosie. I swear. I just need to hear you say it.”

  “No,” she argued, closing her eyes in a last-ditch effort to break his spell.

  “Yes.” His gentle statement was followed by the barest press of his lips against hers. She kept her eyes closed, her hands instinctively tightening on his.

  “I’ll believe you,” he told her again.

  “No, you won’t,” she said, opening her eyes to convey her desperation.

  “I will,” he continued without hesitation.

  It was on the tip of her tongue to just blurt it out and let him have it, but she held back. If she was going to tell him the truth, then she wanted to enjoy having him touch her just this one time if it was all she was going to get.

  “Rosie,” he started to say.

  “Just wait.” Her voice came out wobbly. “I just...” she stopped before she truly embarrassed herself.

  She was going to tell him.

  Max’s lips brushed one cheek and then the other before he rested his forehead against hers.

  That was it. The moment she’d remember when things inevitably went south.

  “I saw it in a dream.” Her voice was soft. “And your dog told me.”

  Rosie opened her eyes when his fingers fell from her face and his forehead lifted. He looked confused.

  “My dog?” He moved his hands to her shoulders.

  “It’s big and has long droopy ears? Blondish color?” She described the dog that was lazing by the door to the camper.

  “Hannah?” He sounded puzzled but when he said the dog’s name, her tail thumped loudly against the ground.

  “Say it again,” Rosie instructed, watching the dog.

  “Hannah,” he said. The dog responded with a happy woof.
/>   “That’s her,” Rosie agreed, her solemn eyes meeting his, knowing this could very well be the end of Max showing up on her patio and inviting her over to feed tiny, baby farm animals.

  “Hannah’s here?” He asked haltingly.

  “By my camper. She follows you everywhere.”

  Strangely, that brought a smile to his face. “But she’s...” He shook his head. “I loved that dog. I was devastated when she died.”

  Rosie said nothing.

  “So, she’s like, a ghost. And you can see her?”

  She swallowed nervously and nodded, ready to take a step back.

  “Holy shit,” he breathed. “I knew.” His hands went back to her cheeks. “After the cove, I knew.” Out of nowhere he laid a kiss on her lips, surprising her. “That’s crazy.” When her eyes widened he was quick to correct himself. “Not crazy, crazy. Amazing crazy. You’re amazing.”

  “No,” she said. “I’m not.”

  “You saved my life after my dog that’s been dead for ten years...what? What did Hannah do?”

  The dog’s tail thumped again.

  “Showed up here barking like crazy.”

  “And you just followed a ghost dog down the street in the middle of the night?”

  “She was pretty insistent that I follow her.”

  “Where is she?” He looked around as if he might be able to see her.

  She pointed to the door of the trailer. “She’s lying right below Gizmo.” Her face screwed up in confusion as a thought hit her. “How did Gizmo get out?”

  Max shrugged. “He was crying to come out when I got here, so I opened the door.”

  “Wasn’t it locked?”

  “I used the key I found under the fake rock.”

  “Great,” she groused.

  “Back to my ghost friend. She just hangs out with me?”

  “Pretty much.”

  “And you can see her. Like she’s really there?”

  “Pretty much,” she agreed, although there were times when it was more complicated than that. She was going to take what she could get in the fact that he wasn’t running for the hills and let the technicalities go.